Part 5 in a series of 5
The Way Out
Dealing with stressful situations in a controlled way comes from the ability to create an inner calmness which has to be built up slowly. This does not mean that we will never feel threatened, fearful or angry; however we will be more aware of these feelings and impulses when they are present. Having this awareness will either reduce arousal at the time or will help us to recover from reactionary stress at a faster rate.
Bringing awareness to a stressful situation allows us to have a clearer view of how our own unbalanced view could contribute to an inappropriate overreaction on our part. We come to the realization that we were out of proportion with the actual circumstance that caused the situation in the first place. We try to trust that things will become more harmonious if we make the effort to meet the situation with calmness and clarity. Once we are able to practice this over a few months, we will be surprised at how many things that used to “push our buttons” no longer get us aroused. They may no longer even stress us out because we have become more relaxed and trusting of ourselves.
Breathing or deep breathing is the most powerful way to get started with creating calmness.
Having the awareness of breathing deeply will set the stage for facing that moment when we get stressed, as well as those stressful moments that follow with clarity and mindfulness. Deep breathing will reconnect us with calmness when we find ourselves losing touch in any given moment. This will allow us to learn to be more attentive to emotions and thoughts as they are triggered. We see them as being aligned to emotional memories and conditioning, at this point we then switch to an observer mode, which in turn allows us to be able to notice and describe what happens inside us rather than be captured by it.
Distress that may rise in the presence of painful emotional memories is clear and obvious; however how people deal with emotional sensitivities, ruminations and memories also lies in the pull on their thought process, in some cases may be even more significant.
Research has shown that attempts at thought suppression or avoidance often only serve to increase the frequency pull and intrusiveness of painful thoughts, feelings and predictions. Under such conditions, our emotional memories and associational learning patterns create a paradoxical prison wherein our attempts to reject and ignore painful experiences only serve to drag our attention back to the internal constructs which drive our suffering. In Buddhist psychology this is called Samsara, a cycle of persistently re-experiencing our suffering through grasping at what we cannot have and rejecting that which we do not wish to experience. Samsara is a remarkable description of a life spent with emotional memories and dysfunctional cognitions.
You can read Part 1 of this STRESS Series — ‘What happens when we get stuck in stress?’ here.
Resources:
Stuck in Stress Reactivity Chapter 19 by Jon Kabat –Zinn
Responding to stress instead of reacting, Chapter 20 by Jon Kabat Zinn
Emotional Memory, Mindfulness and Compassion Paul Gilbert and Dennis Tirch
Some reflections on the origins of MBSR , skilful means and the trouble with maps
Dr. Jutta Lenz is a Doctor of Philosophy, has a Masters Degree in Psychology and she also specialises in Sports Science, Educational Science, Business and health coaching and teaching yoga. She is a management consultant, facilitator, business and health coach in companies national and international in the US, Norway, Germany, Austria and Switzerland. She also spends time working with the governments of Germany and Austria. Jutta is a change management facilitator for individuals and organizations while they are going through a time of transformation to deal with life crises and conflicts. She offers participative coaching and counselling as well as health coaching that includes stress management, burnout, lifestyle and nutrition.
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